Tears of an Angel, a BotFA Fan-Fic
by Leofan221
Summary: Collection of Song-Fics, mainly tragic. Anything else will be explained and noted in A.N. They all feature my OC, Aili. Bio inside. WARNING: Slight spoilers for Battle of the Five Armies! Listed under Tragedy for a reason, folks! First Lyrics: Tears of an Angel by Amy Guess. Or RyanDan, whichever. Worth a listen...


**HERE IS YET ANOTHER _BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES _FIC. I'M A SUCKER FOR THESE THINGS...ANYWAY...THIS IS A SLIGHT AU. I MEAN, IT'LL MAKE SENSE WHEN YOU READ THIS. THIS ALSO FEATURES MY OC, AILI. **

**LYRICS ARE FROM _TEARS OF AN ANGEL _BY AMY GUESS. IF YOU LISTEN TO THE SONG AS YOU READ, IT MIGHT MAKE YOU CRY. ANYWAY...ENJOY, AND...IF ANYONE KNOWS IF THIS IS VIOLATING SOMETHING, PLEASE TELL ME. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK CATSPATS31 FOR ALERTING ME ALREADY. I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED AS TO HOW I COULD BE VIOLATING ANYTHING, BECAUSE I HAVE GIVEN CREDIT TO THE ARTIST. OH, WELL!**

**GOD BLESS AND GOOD DAY!**

**~LF221**

_Cover my eyes..._

I know you don't hear this from anyone. Like, ever. But I wish I was blind and deaf. That way, I wouldn't be able to see your mangled bodies, laying on infirmary beds, alongside our uncle, Thorin. And I wouldn't be able to hear Balin's grim and awful proclamation.

_Cover my ears..._

Please...I don't want to hear the diagnosis. I don't want to hear that my family might die.

_Tell me these words are a lie..._

I want someone to start laughing, pound me on the back. Tell me it was all a sick little prank. That Fili, Kili, and Thorin will be fine. That they are making a recovery. They have to.

_It can't be true..._

Please...tell me it's all a lie. I can't see myself without your presence, brothers, without our uncle's guiding presence. I wouldn't be the Dwarf lady I am without you, Thorin. Please...I need you. I know it's incredibly sappy and unoriginal, but still...I can't live without you, my family...We are, after all, family. And family needs one another.

_That I'm losing you..._

Balin...please stop trying to tell me you all are going to die. I refuse to give up on you, even...even if everyone else does. If everyone leaves, I will stay. I will take care of you myself, if that's what it takes to keep you alive. I will give my blood, give _anything _to have you three, sitting up, smiling and laughing again. Anything.

_The sun can't fall from the sky..._

It's funny...I still can't accept that you could leave us for good. It would be like hearing someone run into Erebor, yelling out 'The sun is falling!'

It's just not possible. The sun is never gonna fall from the sky. It just can't. Maybe it's just the desperation talking, but I will _never_ be able to let you, any of you, go. Not the Company, not my family. We formed a bond on this quest. One that shall stand the test of time. The Company has become a family of the wildest sort to me. I will never let you go...

_Can you hear heaven cry...tears of an dwarf..._

I sometimes wonder if you can hear me when I sit beside your beds. Whenever my mind takes me back to that courtyard, watching as Azog's sword suddenly becomes visible through Fili's chest...I cannot stop the tears that flow from my eyes.

_Tears of an dwarf..._

I sob, cry, scream, and sniffle. You would probably laugh if you heard it, honestly. I am reduced to a child, mourning the loss of their favorite toy. Of course, losing you means much more than losing a toy, but you get what I'm saying, right? I talk to you sometimes. I grip one of your hands, and bite back the tears enough to let me speak. I talk to you about any and everything, really. It helps when I imagine your replies. Your laughter when I tell a stupid joke wrong because I'm getting too emotional because you're unable to actually reply. Your sarcasm has never been so highly valued than this moment. I would give anything to hear your laughter, your stern commands, or your worried tone about my injuries, even though you are worse than I am.

_Stop every clock..._

I wish I could stop the clock, right as Azog strides forward, Fili in tow...

I wish I could freeze everything, make it all okay. Kill Azog before he destroys my life, my happiness, my family...but obviously I can't. So I sit by your beds, waiting the day you awaken, return to ruling, or being the best brothers a girl could ask for...

Please don't make me wait too long.

_The stars are in shock..._

Nobody could have foreseen the ending of that battle. Not even the stars could have told us what awaited, even though we read them every night, attempting to gain knowledge about what the future holds. To no avail. I wonder if they were shocked when the blows landed, and the dust settled, revealing bodies with holes sliced through them.

I sometimes imagine that they were.

_The river would run to the sea..._

This is insane. Really, it is. Dwarves never cry this much. But I cannot stop. But you would most certainly laugh if you knew how much I have cried in the two days since you were rushed into Erebor, and treated by Balin...and Oin...

If they formed a river, it would flow over the land, dumping itself into the sea...

_I won't let you fly..._

Remember the legend? That when we die, we turn into birds and fly to a land across the sea, never to return?

I would tackle your birds, to keep them and make them turn back into the smiling faces I know and love so dearly. I would keep your bird forms in cages, if that's what it takes. I will never let you go, not even if you were trapped in the body of a reckless bird, trying to get to that mysterious land...far away...

_I won't say goodbye..._

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

I am not, nor will I ever be, ready to give you up. I will cling to the hope that you will come back, even after four days...four of the longest days of my life. Please...I can't take this any longer...

_I won't let you away from me..._

If you left me...gods...I would lose it. I would go mad with grief, roam the land like a feral being, incapable of being tamed. So please...come back...

I won't be able to keep it together for much longer. I sit by your beds, every day and night. Just waiting for the miracle I pray for each day, each moment your still laying on the bed. I cry, I tell jokes wrong, and make myself laugh for a few seconds.

It's not enough, though...

_Can you hear heaven cry...the tears of an dwarf..._

I don't know. Maybe you are dead. It's been six days...

maybe Balin is right. I mean, he's doing all he can, and more. But it's useless if you've already died, isn't it? Why? Why would you give up the chance at life? It might not be a pretty road to recovery, but you would have your family, Company and all, here to help you in any and every way we can...I promise...so just...don't give into the darkness. Please.

_Tears of an dwarf..._

It feels too surreal sometimes, ya know? Like...maybe this is all somehow a dream, one I can't wake up from. I hope and pray that I wake to see your faces again, hear your snarky remarks, and feel you hair as you ask me to braid it. You never did learn, no matter how many times I tried to teach you...

But the longer you lay there, unmoving on those beds, the more a terrible feeling consumes me. It's just a thought, one that chills me every time it rears it's ugly head.

The thought that...you won't make it. That you'll die. It's just a thought, but it won't leave, no matter how hard I shake my head, no matter how much I believe it to not be true. And each time that thought pops up, I sink into tears again. For hours it seems, I'm drowning in my emotions.

Please...make it stop. Wake up...

_So hold on...be strong..._

Did you know that Balin saw good progress during today's examination? He says that now your fevers have broken, and haven't come back, your bodies can return their full attention to getting your wounds healed. I can't believe it! There is more life and breath in this mountain than right after the battle, eight long days ago...

_Every day...hope will grow..._

Ten days ago, you were clinging to life by a thread. It wavered, and at some points, looked ready to snap, but now hope has returned with every centimeter your wounds close. Every millimeter, even, brings us closer to the day you could potentially open your eyes, sit up, and resume your lives...

I can smile again...without it being forced for the sake of boosting the others' morale...

It feels great to smile again. Just...hurry up, alright?

_I'm here, don't you fear..._

Sometimes I think you're just scared to come back, for some reason.

Well, don't be. I will be the first face you see when you wake. I promise. I will help you recover when you wake up. I swear.

So all you have to do is wake up already!

Isn't twelve days of torture enough?

_Little one, don't let go..._

It's amazing to me, how small you seem, laying helpless on these beds. You, all of you, just seem so...frail. Yeah...I never thought I would hear myself say that, (or think, or even _feel _that way) either. But it's no less true, no matter how shocking. Please...keep fighting. Return to us. Please...

_Don't let go..._

There are times, no matter how few, when it looks like two of you won't make it.

Thorin and Fili. But I will cling to this hope, this dream so close to becoming reality. No matter what.

_Don't let go..._

Thorin will start convulsing sometimes, you know. It's awful. Froth at the mouth, fighting against some unknown force. I hate every time I have to grip his shoulders, force him down, screaming out Balin and Oin's names. They come sprinting into the room, faces grim and ashen as they grip different appendages and force them down.

_Cover my eyes..._

NO! No...no...

P-Please...How in the name of Mahal could this have happened? How could it have gone so wrong..? It had only been fourteen days, some of which were spent recovering properly. Then, when Fili started convulsing, as well...there was a heaviness to the air, a tension no one wanted to address. Then, as I woke up, and came into the infirmary with my breakfast, as usual, the sight I saw made me freeze, letting my bowl of gruel drop to the floor, shattering it into a million pieces.

Balin and Oin were there, as always. But...

Instead of three ashen, still faces laying on the three beds...two of them were covered in sheets...

Only Kili's face remained uncovered. I let my knees hit the floor, screams ripping from my lips as tears sprang forth, unbidden, from my eyes, soaking my tunic.

I was dimly aware that someone was shaking my shoulders and yelling at me as I let out more grief-stricken screams. My breath returned in gasps, and I got another handle on reality. I found the rest of the Company, kneeling, crowding around me. A few of them have their arms around my shoulders, whispering things like 'It'll be alright' 'At least they're in Mahal now, Aili.' and the ever annoying 'Do you think they would want you to cry like this?' that one was insensitive. It doesn't matter what you would want me to do. You're gone, and there's nothing I can do about that...

_Cover my ears..._

My hands flew to my temples, gripping my hair with enough force to rip it out. Tears returned, enough to drown everyone within the mountain. Then, my hands slowly moved to my ears, numb, heavy, and awkward with the shock and horror this morning had wrought. I didn't want to hear the whispers of everyone else. They couldn't understand the loss I was feeling.

_Tell me these words are a lie..._

Sniffling, I laid a bouquet of mountain flowers, one on each of the two graves. Tears traced the stains down my cheeks. It seemed like they will become permanent, such is the amount of time I have spent letting tears flow. I haven't gotten drunk yet. It wouldn't help. And I don't need alcohol to encourage tears. I have emotions to thank for that. I sank into my self, sitting on my feet in front of the graves of you, my brother and my uncle. My eyes squeeze shut and I bite my lip. I sense rather than hear Kili leave the mountain and shamble toward me. I should be grateful he survived, and I am. Truly. But it doesn't affect the fact that I wish you were here. You were my brother. You were my uncle, my mentor, and my trainer. I would give up the world, if it meant you were okay. Alive and going about life with the rest of us.

"It's been three years, Aili." Kili notes as he finally stands beside me, dropping a knife I know he spent the night making beside the graves. He only sleeps every other night, preferring to spend all watches of the night in the forge, creating small and large weapons. He is his usual cheerful self. At first glance, you couldn't tell that something was wring with him. You'd be wrong. He needs something to get him going in the morning, before heading to the forges, for a different kind of handling the pain. He bangs and clangs the pain away. I just keep it in until night-time, when I run up to the very top of Erebor, and just scream my heart and voice out. Next morning, my cheeks have lines going down them. "Though I would find you here." He groans as he sits down. Ever since his miraculous recovery, he had been complaining of knee pain, so intense, he couldn't walk at times. Then, we learned that somehow, we had failed to take proper care of his knee, and so...it had become horribly infected. Leaving us no choice but to amputate the wound, and stop the virus spreading. His peg-leg was a marvelous invention, crafted by the Company, working together to create something that will last a lifetime, and serve it's bearer well. Then, I heard faint steps, clicking off the stone and echoing off the mountain. Then, the slender (mostly) figure of Tauriel came striding up to us, and went up to Kili, placing her hand on his shoulder lovingly. Her free hand was holding her stomach, which had developed a rather noticeable bump.

"Good morning, Aili" she greeted. "Thought I would find the both of you out here, love." She mused, giving her husband a light squeeze. Indeed. The first thing he did when he was recovered enough to leave the mountain was track down Tauriel. He returned a year later with the happy news that they were newlyweds. It made for quite a sight, seeing Tauriel's long, slender body, being held by someone as short as Kili. She had to keep her legs up just to avoid dragging them across the floor. I then returned the ruling of Erebor to my brother, and our new life resumed it's crazy, amazing beat. (I had taken over while he was off, finding his bride. I must admit, Kili is a better leader than I am, no matter what he says.) (Don't tell him I said that.)

"You shouldn't be walking around, dear." Kili said, glancing at his wife with slight concern. Tauriel simply pursed her lips, earning a chuckle from both me and Kili. "I do as I wish, Kili. And besides, all advice I've been given says I can be up and about until the water breaks." Kili pulled a face, and pretended to pick at a flower, trying to hid the redness to his cheeks. "Breakfast is laid out in the Great Hall, dear. You might want to consider eating some before rushing off to make swords and arrows and Mithril knows what else." She noted, walking slowly back down the fairly rocky trail back into Erebor.

"Who says I am going to the forges?" Kili got a sneaky look about him, and took off, all in a second. He scooped his beauty up in his arms, and lept down the rocks like a goat. I took off after the couple, and found them, still racing toward their bedroom. I immediately spun on my heel and high-tailed it to the Great Hall. My cheeks were flushed as I served myself food. I chuckled, thinking of your faces...had you heard the news about Tauriel and Kili pledging themselves to each other.

_I miss you both...so much. But...I am grateful for the wondrous people in my life. They have helped me deal with this hole in my being. _

_Goodbye..._

**I THINK I AM SAFE NOW...I MEAN...I CHANGED A FEW WORDS IN THE LYRICS, SO...DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THIS WONT GET ME REPORTED?**

**APOLOGIES FOR DRAGGING YOU ALONG ON THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER! THIS WAS TOO GOOD OF AN IDEA TO PASS UP. I ENJOYED WRITING THIS, EVEN THOUGH I ALMOST CRIED MYSELF AT PARTS...**

**YEAH...THE STYLE SHIFT AT THE END...JUST ROLL WITH IT, PLEASE. I KNOW I NEVER HAD DIALOGUE BEFORE THAT LAST LYRICAL LINE...BUT I HAD TO! AND I TOTALLY THINK THAT, HAD KILI SURVIVED, KILIEL WOULD HAVE GONE FULL THROTLE! KIIEL FOREVAH! **

**~LF221**


End file.
